i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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