at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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