put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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