I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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