Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
