My nipple is on Facebook.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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