my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
