We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
