ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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