He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
