dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
