You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
