dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the condom got lost in my hair
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
