so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
