i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
