More tranny stories later!
If that was your dad, he is hot
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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