tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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