Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
did you just send me my own nude
Sext me about skeletons
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
