i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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