i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
