rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
