i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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