I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
