You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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