I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
