ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's get the cat blown out
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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