I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
