If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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