Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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