omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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