there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
