Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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