Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
