He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
