Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
