O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
