summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
