I wish I could punch you in the face.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
