she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
