at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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