it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
