lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
