When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just want nice things and good sex
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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