Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
