normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
