Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
