I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Houston, we have a squirter
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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