Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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