well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
