just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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