How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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