Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
