At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
