Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
