I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
