Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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