I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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