You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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