We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
