Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
