Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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