i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
