would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
