Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize