You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
