I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
