so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
