he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
